It is kind of hard writing about what I see my future as because I have a hard time putting a vision to it because I have always thought about it as something I could feel, not necessarily see. I do know what I want it to feel like…. peace. Awareness. Joy. Magic. Music. Adventure. Balance. Boundaries. Sunsets and ocean days. Cool mornings high up in the mountains, curled up with someone I love. A bonfire. Some rainy-day dance parties and clear night skies for star gazing. I want it to feel like I am safe and protected. Always cared for in the most serendipitous of ways. Magic all around, in the most regular of places. I want to look into the eyes of those I love and feel their souls. I want it to feel like connection. Reciprocal energy, weaving in and out of my days. Dancing on my skin at night, as a cool breeze sweeps into the room. I want double doors leading out onto a bricked patio, and I want a marvelous garden. I want to push those open in the morning and take in every breath. Drinking something warm and soothing as I map out my day. I want it to feel like I am free to live authentically. Flowing with the day, enjoying each and every moment. I want to have a place for solitude and reflection, a place sacred to my energy. When I would welcome people into my space, it would be just the time that they needed it, letting the energy wash over them like a good mood. It dances on their skin as they open up to the flow of what a well-balanced body can do. But this space is mostly mine. A place I can be my fully divine goddess. Where I talk to God. Where I speak to my angels, and I make my wishes upon a star. Candles and essential oils fill the air, and books are scattered all over. Notebooks with dream written within their pages, and books that fill me with a better understanding for why we are all here and what my purpose is. A place with windows in the ceiling, and lace curtains weaved with different colorful scarfs. The breeze that blows in is straight out of the garden and it is as if the trees are whispering all their secrets to me personally. I spend my free time here, just me and God. Talking about humans and their beautiful way of loving each other. We admire their resolve, and how even after some of the most painful losses, they still thrive. We discuss my time here and he tells me how proud he is of me. He watched me; he knew how easy it could hve been to check out. To just continue to survive. He knew how easy it would have been to put her on the back burner AGAIN, and just do what “they” wanted her to do…. he IS proud of her. He sees her bravery, for everything she ever does she does afraid. His bravest always are. He tells me he loves me and that I make him proud….and so I do love sitting here with him. But I also donate my time to people who most need a loving and healing touch. I pour back into a life that showed up to pour into me. I have time to create and dance. Spells documented through my blog are still being casts in the minds of many. Reaching people…and changing lives through my own incredible journey. Sharing my struggles and my victories and wondering out loud all the wonders there is to wonder. Talking about what I feel and speaking the beautiful words that live inside me. Letting them spill out like a well thought out song, they just feel like they were always supposed to form these beautiful thoughts. As if they have waited their whole lives to be paired up together. I want to always be continuing to learn and grow through the knowledge of others and a continued education in my field. Soaking in all I can learn that can help me heal others further. I want to feel free to be where I want but I really want to be home. I want people to come visit and be a part of my life in big, little ways…. I want someone to spend time with, and without. Living as two people who love each other, but that also love themselves and love doing things that fill them up. Not always having to do those things together but being supportive of what those things are and where they may lead them. I want complete trust to be exactly who we are. I want complete love and compassion of what each of us can give and where we cannot. I want to be desired by another, I want them to want me, but for more than just my body or my looks. I want someone to want to know me. They desire me in their lives because I add something to it that no one else can. I am unique to them and that is what they like. I want them to have a gentle kind of spirit, but with a take charge kind of approach. I need them to take the lead but be willing to let me explore and learn. I want a deeper connection than sex, I want intimacy. I want sensuality. I want to touch and kiss. I want to dance and take showers together, feeling the water run over our skin, washing away all the doubts and fears, just the water is between us. I want to heal him in beautiful ways, not for my benefit but for his. Feral and untamed…. he still only thinks of me. Feral and untamed…. he is the only one I want. A love that allows space, and room for growth. A relationship that supports following your heart and taking a risk. I see my boys grown and healthy. Finding their place in their own life. They are handsome, and healthy. They smile a lot, and it reaches their eyes. They are truly happy, and they are fulfilled in their lives, doing what they love. Building a life, they feel present in. Following dreams and setting goals. I see them smiling and happy, doing things that bring them joy. Wherever I go and whatever I do, there is magic. Talking to flowers and bathing in the shade of a tree. Having a blanket wherever I go for last minute picnics and beach trips. The condo on the ocean a place of solitude. Rented out to empowered women from all over the world. A single little bungalow on the beach. Time for you. Time for self. No friends. No men…. just you and the ocean. Cheese and crackers for dinner, and a dance party for one on the balcony. It is another piece of the healing magic that surrounds my life. My business, operated out of a cute Air streamer, also boasts of a healing vibe. Massage is still at the forefront of my life but done so from the inside out. The inside is decked out with beautiful lighting. Rocks and gems line the walls and beautiful climbing plants add a touch of the outside in. A place that instantly calms your mind. There is a beautiful aroma, and it brings your senses to a balanced place. We get to talk and catch up over tea. The tea calms your body and relaxes your muscles so we can move into the physical touch portion of the massage. This would be done through many different methods depending on what they were struggling with. But we would open up the communication between energies and we would send the signals needed to rewire the mind. Together we would get them back on track to focus better and to be more perceptive to the magic in their life. I would be helping married couples stay married in health relationships. Men and women heal from their childhoods, and PTSD, depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, self-love and an overall wellness of the spirit. Together we can rewire the brain…. naturally and beautifully. Always connected through touch, a healthy, energy filled touch. One that promotes love. Passion. Empathy. Respect. Health. Wealth. Peace. Joy. Serendipity! I have invested my money well, and I have set myself up to be able to play while my money works for me. I am well paid for my healing, in so many more ways than money. I am financially wealthy, but that wealth does not compare to the richness of my life. I am paid well by those that can pay, and I am generous to help those that cannot pay because of that. I am never without in my life, and I am able to spend money without a worry about where I am going to replace it, I am taken care of always. The condo pays for itself and then some, and my business thrives on my most loyal and beautiful clients. We spend time building a connection that lasts even when we are apart. We are family…. we are one. I am paid highly for the gifts I share with the world, and I am not drained by this work, for whatever was sent to sustain your soul cannot by definition drain your body. It feeds you. It fills you. It loves you and watches you thrive from the nourishment. The food I eat is freshly prepared by my personal chef. She makes meals and cleans the house twice a week. She is someone I trust and love to be in my space, but she is respectful to not go into my solitude space. She prepares amazing meals I can cook easily and quick and nutritious salads for lunch. The ways I move my body keep me physically fit and strong. My life runs like a ritual. All things done with magical intentions for good and joy. All things done as to give honor for all that I have accomplished. All my blankets are soft, and I wear very little clothing. The breeze feels so good against my naked skin, kissing my tan body and playing with my untamed hair. My curls bouncing around, flying free. A beautiful head of the most glowing silver hair. My body toned from yoga and my skin cared for by self-love. Toned and beautiful skin makes me retain my age. Never aging, only growing wiser and braver. Never looking old, only looking confidant and filled with self-love. Never falling into a perception that age is real. We only ever have now, and I live each now as if it may be my last. Making time to appreciate each storm, each sunny day, every bird, all the butterflies…. all the things. Speaking to the Earth as if we are long lost friends, never separate but always experiencing different things. Health flows in my life and through the lives of those I hold dear. Always filling them with love and peace. Connected through little things throughout our busy days. Connected through a line that is woven deep. Maybe we drift, letting the line have some slack for growth, coming back to each other with grace and forgiveness. Grown in all the ways that allow us to connect all over again in new ways. Not speaking all the time but always praying for each other. Maybe we go weeks, maybe years…. but we are always connected through the soul’s journey. More than friends…. soulmates. I guess I DO know what my future looks like. It looks a lot like my now, just different. Wherever my future goes. Whatever it looks like, I am at peace…. but I will not stop until it feels just like this!! All these things. All the pain and hard work that it takes getting me here, will be worth it. This is where I am going to be….in each moment. This is all I will accept. In each moment. This is my future.
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