Resolutions?!?!?

….nah, how about intentions? I do not do resolutions. I find them to be ridiculous because the new year is just about the date, it is just the next day…and every day we should set goals for ourselves and try to be better than we were the day before. It’s called, growth and our goal should always be about that, not just at the beginning of the year. But, one year a girlfriend said she picks a word for the year and then she tries to grow in that area. She uses that word to grow throughout the year. I loved this idea, so the first year I did it my word was: Balance.

Balance was never my strong suit. I tried to do it all, man. Every single thing that I felt needed to be done, I tried to do. Any person that needed me, I tried to help. I would go all day long, and just wait to be able to go back to bed. My days were filled up and I had no time to rest but I didn’t know how to say no, and I sure didn’t take time for self-care and self-love. That year my focus wasn’t about not doing so much, the things I was doing brought me joy. I loved doing those things. It filled me up, but it also drained me….so I had to find a way to do it all, and not let it leave me feeling empty or drained. That year I discovered that taking time just for myself was not a sin. The world would not stop spinning if I took a two hour bath. The boys would not starve if they woke on a Saturday morning and I was already at the beach taking in a sunrise. The boys would not miss me for an hour while I focused on my health. I could make time for me, and still do things for others. It was a year of beautiful growth and one that was needed to put me here today. Without self-care and balance in my life I would just be tired all the time. Never feeling rested or full.

"When you step, step with care and great tact. And remember life is a great balancing act!" - Dr. Seuss

The next year (which was 2020) my word was: connection. I truly believe, when all is said and done, the purpose of life is connection. Connection to each moment. Connection to others and their lives. Connection to our own body and mind. I knew to fully embrace my purpose I had to connect deeper to each person, and thing in my life. I had to stay in the now, and not get lost in all the other crap. When I eat, I chew slower and I savor each bite. When I am with my kids, I notice the way their mouths turn up a certain way, and I watch how when they laugh it goes all the way to their eyes. I like to sit in the light of others. I like feeling the energy of those around me. I learned to do this with myself as well. To sit in peace and just focus on what it feels like to be still. I connect to each muscle and each thought. I dissect my thoughts and emotions. I connect fully to each thing I am feeling and I try to understand it better. As I did this I grew so much in my life but I also felt the draining of my energy. Some people’s energy is not nice to sit in. It is dark, and it is filled with anger and bitterness. So, about halfway through the year I added a word that took me full circle to my word the year before, balance…..I added the word boundaries.

"Connection is why we are here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives." - Brene Brown

With any form of connection you need a boundary. Even connecting that deeply to your own mind can become toxic. If you are always inside your mind, you miss the moments around you. So set boundaries with yourself, and those in your life. Create boundaries with your time and your space. Create boundaries because in life most people will take and take. Your job, your family, your children. Most do not do it because they are “bad”, they just love your energy too, so they sit in your light and they drain you. With every connection we make, we must also establish a boundary to balance it all out. See what I did there….all three of my words…..leading me to 2021! And giving me a new starting point that feels healthy and new. Balancing out my connections by setting boundaries. I love it. So, 2021……what can I do to be sure I am starting another year trying to grow in all the areas of my life. Here is what I came up with.

"We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings." - Melody Beattie

Peace – This is the word for where I want to grow this year. I want to grow in my peace. Not the “nothing is wrong” peace. The peace that surpasses all others is for death alone. I am talking about the peace that comes within everyday life. I often have people ask me to tell them it is all going to be ok. I want people to tell me this. Just reassure me it is going to by ok. I usually say, to others and myself, “It will all be ok, I know this because my faith in God tells me that when God is for us NOTHING can be against us….but then it will not be, and then it will be and then it will not be….” My faith is strong and I know God has never walked out on me. But another thing I know is that once “this” is ok, something else will not be. Life was never created to be easy. It was created for growth and the only way to grow is to become uncomfortable. The only way to appreciate the light is to sit in the dark. I believe peace comes from finding the beauty in the struggle. Each time something in life goes “wrong”, you have to try to find a reason to see it as an opportunity for growth. You have to be present in why this is causing you such turmoil and grief. Then you have to find a peace with it. Most of the struggles in life are unavoidable. This society is not set up for us to succeed. It is set up to keep you struggling….so find the peace in each struggle and you will find peace. This is my goal this year. Stop trying to control it all and just sit in peace, knowing God will deliver you. He always has.

"Peace is about retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than what you think it should be. - Wayne W. Dyer

Breathe – This is the word for what I want to learn this year. I have been focused on my breath for a couple years. It is amazing what just taking a few deep breaths can do for your state of mind. It kind of just resets it all and lets you “start over” with how you want to proceed. But I want to actually dive deeper into what a powerful thing breath is. It feeds you brain, it feeds your muscles and your blood. Without oxygen you die. Breath is so important to the health of your body. This is why fresh air feels so good. This is why yoga feels so good. To open up everything and just breath into your body. It is all so connected. Your breath…to your mind…your mind sends signals to your nervous system and other vital organs. The mouth take in air that filters through your lungs, and sends fresh oxygenated blood to your heart, which then feeds your muscles! It is such a beautiful thing to feel. Isolation of your muscles, all through your breath is a powerful way to make your body healthier. It feels so good to “talk” to my muscles. If I feel pain, I breathe into it and I send a flow of indigo light to the areas of pain or fatigue. It works and I want master this better. For my physical health, keeping my body fit and mobile is very important to my future. But what really interests me is how to use my breath to also keep my mind healthy and my energy clear and fresh.

"Fill your lungs - clear your mind"

Healing – This is the word for what I want to give to others this year. If I have learned one major lesson over the last few years, it is this….you CANNOT heal others. They MUST want to heal….so, this word seems a bit silly because I know this is not actually something I can do but I can plant seeds of love. I can give to others my healing touch. I can continue to share my stories and my lessons, planting seeds and making ripples in the lives of others. I can use the gift of a healing touch to help their bodies heal, and use the gift of healing energy to clear their emotional burden. I have a servant’s heart. I want to be of service to others. It is what drives me every day, and now that I will be finishing school this month I have an opportunity to take all I have learned, all my growth over the last few years, and helps others find their own path to healing. I started my healing when I got sober. No doubt about it…..but it would be YEARS before I understood fully what kind of healing my soul needed. It has been a painful and beautiful journey….I want others to experience it for themselves. To heal in a way that allows growth in all the areas of their lives. I am most excited about this word….healing! I get to help others heal and I cannot tell you how that fills me up.

"Let it hurt. Then let it go." - r.h.sin

Each one of my words this year balance each other out, and with each one of those words taking shape I can connect fully to them while knowing where my boundaries are. So none of these things will drain me because I know how to focus on the “words” from past years. Massage is a physically draining career but it doesn’t leave me feeling empty, it feels like a circular motion….each one filling the other. It is a beautiful thing and I am excited to venture into my new year with all my knowledge from years past….and all the excitement for what is to come. These words I have chosen, both past words and the new ones really do shape my year as I go forward. I love doing this because it takes the “pressure” off from having a “resolution” and it puts focus on a new beginning. It puts the focus back on what your intentions are for your new beginning. Where do you want to be at the end of this year? Do you want to be doing the same things? Are the choices you are making moving you forward?

Sure, if you are overweight it is the healthy thing to do, to lose weight. But what if your focus was not the weight and instead the health of your life. Not just the health of your body but the health of the life you are living. What if your focus wasn’t the weight but instead how you want to live in 2021? Sure, if you are stuck in a dead-end job or relationship, the healthy thing to do is leave…but what if your focus wasn’t on the job/relationship but instead on how you want to feel in life. Do you want to wake up every morning dreading going to work? Do you want to stay where you are not appreciated? Focus on you and what you want…..not what you have to “change”. Sure, do all those things that you know will make your life healthier but do it by focusing on what you want out of life. When we shift our focus to growth instead of “change” it helps us appreciate each step of the journey because things do not change overnight. It is a process and that process is the journey and that journey will show you your purpose. It is not really change as much as it is becoming who you have always been.

Pick your words. Think on them. Journal about them. Write them down and remind yourself each day where you will focus. Then get after it, and make this the best year yet! Happy New Year!!!