Nov 1, 20208 min read

Excuse me....your roots are showing.

Yes, I see them! Hahaha! Every single time I look in the mirror. I see them….and I actually love them! They are just a part of this crazy thing called life. I imagine if they were NOT supposed to be there I wouldn’t have them, so to say I should not let my gray show means I should hide who I am, why, because it makes YOU uncomfortable? That would be weird. I tell you what though, when God set this in my heart I had no clue what patience it would require of me.

"Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots!"

- Garth Brooks

I often forget my roots are showing. I mean, I see it when I get ready but then I just go about life as normal. It is funny sometimes, I will be walking around the store and people will kind of stare. I will think “Ok, I cannot have something in my teeth or my nose, because this fucking mask is covering half my face….why are people looking at me weird?” Then it hits me…..the gray. I forget. The first time I was really nervous was the other night. It was the first football game of the year and my son is in band. I knew everyone would stare. I asked him if he wanted me to wear a hat, and he just looked at me weird. He said “No why?” I said “What if people say your mom looks like your grandma?” He said “Who would have the audacity to say that?” haha! My youngest said “Mom, who gives a bleep what they think!” I love these kids, but it was bothering me. I do not want any choices I make as an adult to embarrass my kids (don’t get me wrong…I will sing, dance, and kiss them in public whether it embarrasses them or not, but if my appearance embarrassed them I would hate that for them). He was unbothered and told me I should be unbothered as well…so I went with my roots showing and a smile on my face. But everyone DID stare!

Most times, I do not let it bother me. I understand…..it is not the norm (although I see a lot of silver sisters out there!!!) and that most people still think “gray hair makes you look old”. So, they stare. It is ok, but I wanted to write about it because I would love for people to better understand the reasons behind letting my hair grow out naturally. I wanted to share my thoughts and share with you why it is such a beautiful part of my story. I imagine most people have their own reasons for being done with the color game, here are mine.

First of all, I just got tired of the upkeep. I have a lot of hair…..I have been coloring it since I was 16, and it has just become too much. I was having to color it every four weeks because my gray would keep coming through (those beautiful silvers just kept trying to be seen….man, I love that even my hair never stops trying to be seen as worthy! Lol)! I was coloring it at home with a box mix! UGH!!! It was awful! I would have to use two boxes to be sure I was getting it all, and then I would watch in wash down the drain for the next four weeks. When I did finally stop coloring my hair it was still like six months that red would wash out of my hair!! I know many would say “Get is professionally done…” Great, but I think I have already mentioned this but, I have A LOT of hair, and paying to have it done every four/five weeks was too expensive. Leo was about to retire and if I wanted to color it I felt like I needed to save the money and do it at home.

"Sorry, I cannot hear you over the volume of my hair!"

The second reason should be easy to figure out because I just told you I was dumping two boxes of box mix on my head every four weeks…..my hair was so damaged!!! I had recently really started taking better care of my curls. I had spent the better part of my life fighting my curls, then I finally accepted them but didn’t really know how to care for them, so I was using damaging products and washing it too often. I started really looking into better ways to care for it and my curls were getting healthy (I also stopped talking negatively about my curls! This I believe was the best thing I did for learning to care for my curls better…..just love them better! Talk to them with more love and acceptance! If they want to be frizzy and unruly who am I to stop them? Don’t we all feel like that sometimes?) But I was still coloring it and I KNEW, it just felt wrong. It felt like I was saying I loved my curls and I was giving thanks for them….but I was not really loving them if I was putting all these chemicals on it. It sounds crazy but I could feel the pain of my hair each time I colored it.

"That is not gray hair, honey. That is your silver lining! "

These two reasons are what lead me to feel like the only choice I had in fixing these things was to stop coloring my hair. It almost felt like by coloring it I was hurting it. I had come to feel connected to her in a way that she was an extension of me. I want to celebrate my body, every part of it….and my hair deserved the same kind of love. I joined some silver hair groups on FB and a scrolled through….they were all so beautiful and their smiles hit differently. I think the thing that was the most scary thing was what would everyone else think. Would others think I looked old? I mean, I made the choice to stop coloring my gray hair at the same time I decided to ask for a divorce. Which meant starting school, a new job, and at some point dating. But it was placed on my heart and I knew I had to respect and honor that. It is after all our crown! Mine just happens to be the silver edition. I knew I had to find a good way to do this while honoring what it was all about, so here are some thing I can suggest if you are headed down this road…..

1. Every time you look in the mirror and you want to say “I hate this!” or “I can’t do this” or “This is taking too long…” you HAVE to self-correct! Instead say “Man, look at you beautiful gray beauties!!! You are so beautiful!” or “I can so do this! I am growing more than gray hair….I am growing patience!”

2. To add strength to these words, find some cute hats and scarves. Play with your make-up and your color of clothes. You are reinventing yourself….have some fun with it. I am still trying to figure out how to braid my own hair, I am failing miserably. Maybe my next man will know how to braid? I asked my boys to learn but they think I am crazy!

3. Never, Never, Never let them see you sweat!!! When you talk about you silver journey speak about it with excitement. If you speak about it with negativity you are giving others permission to speak about it the same way! Lead the conversation by staying in a positive frame of mind when speaking about it. Let people know you are loving it….and THEN if someone repeatedly makes you feel bad about your choice CUT THEM OFF!!! They are toxic people. If someone knows you are happy with a personal choice about YOUR OWN BODY and they STILL say negative shit….this is less about your hair and more about who you allow in your energy fields! Keep it positive….ALWAYS! Those who love you and care will support your decision.

4. Another thing to remember is THIS IS YOUR NATUARL HAIR COLOR!!!! This is not you going crazy and coloring your hair neon green (although if you want to do that I say go for it!!) This is you being you! Whether that is you gray at 28 or at 60…it is your body being it’s amazing self! And it is amazing. We are have such a different pattern to our silvers. When they start and where they are. What tone they are and what texture! It is so beautiful to see. I imagine sometimes that each of my grays are a small trophy given to me for a lesson learned. Like, here is your medal of honor….great job warrior! J I mean…..if I get to decided how to see it, I am going big!

There are so many ways to take the leap and to stay the course…..I think the one thing to always keep in mind is this, it is inevitably your hair. Do what you want with it, and answer to no one else about what that is. Mine is going gray….but for others it is crazy colors, or shaving it off. For others it is super short and spunky and others it is long and flowy. Just do you and do it unapologetically. If something has been placed on your heart, do it. You will more than likely have to do it scared, but do it anyways. I believe God placed this on my heart because it has become more than just honoring my hair. It has become about honoring me….as a full being. It has become about being patient in what I want. I think my hair is going to be a beautiful gray….but the process is long.

People have asked me why I don’t go get it stripped and have it chemically altered to make the process “easier” and the most obvious answer is because that is really damaging to my hair and the whole reason I started this was to treat her better….that seems opposite of what I was trying to do, but there is more to it than that. The real reason I do not do that is because I am not just honoring my gray but I am honoring the fact that sometimes the things you really want take time. Each time you make a new step in life there will be hard days you have to overcome. The things in life that you really want will need to be earned and those things take time. The dreams you have of “someday” take little tiny steps forward. There are no shortcuts to life. There are good days, and there are hat days. There are beach hair days and there are day where a messy bun will have to do. Life is messy, so my hair can be too. Everything I want for my future will take patience…..I believe THAT is why God placed this on my heart, because it is teaching me to enjoy the journey. Each day, enjoy the ride!