Faceboob (this was a typo but every time I went to change it I laughed….because it is wrong and yet….not) this is where I am triggered the most….obviously! Seems that is the case these days, but this wasn’t about politics or religion. A friend posted about her daughters and the dress code at their school. This subject ALWAYS gets me bothered, and for SO many different reasons. Just thinking about it makes me feel all kinds of emotions but the biggest one is anger. So, I thought I would blog about it. Get some of these thoughts out there….maybe it will help some young lady that is being made to feel shamed about her body….and help our young men better understand how to honor and respect a young women and everything she is.
How can we still be so regressive in our thinking? To think that girls should not have a hole in their jeans that may expose skin, or that showing their shoulders is a “distraction”. I mean COME ON!!!! This is so wrong for many reasons but the one that sticks out the most is “regressive thinking”, thinking that women should somehow carry this “guilt” around about their bodies. Like, somehow they should feel they need to cover themselves because the body they were given (as a female) is a distraction. Women were DESIGNED to be a distraction! Women were DESIGNED to catch your attention. It happens in a lot of nature, except sometimes the gender roles are reversed and it is the boys that strut their stuff for the ladies. It is in the design of your body….to be a distraction. THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT AT ALL!!!!! It is BY DESIGN!!!
"Girls do not simply decide to hate their bodies.....we teach them to."
I am screaming that because although it sounds so simply, when applied to our society, it is not so simple. Women are designed to get your attention. They walk in a “distracting way” and when they laugh or smile, it is “distracting”. A women’s curves and shape is appealing to the eye, and the way their skin is so soft and smooth. They are by design very beautiful in all their shapes and sizes. There is just something about a women, and I do not believe we should still be teaching them (through these stupid “rules”) that that in some way should be hidden. I DO however believe it should be admired by the women in a way that honors what responsibility comes with being so beautiful and sensual. You have to hold that part of you with love….
To honor and love that part of being a women mean teaching young women (and old….equal opportunity lesson here) that there is power in that beauty and you must respect it. When you respect that part of your divine feminine power it keeps the power in your hands and not the hands of those that just want to use it. When you own that beauty in a way that says I know it is there but I respect it enough to know, not just any person is allowed to enjoy it to the level that MANY want to enjoy it. That is part of your divine soul and it must be cherished and loved. When we teach this to our women, it helps them stay in control of that power….and make no doubt about it, it is a power. So….do not misuse it. Enjoy it, respect it and use it to light up the fucking world. But do it from self-love and not to please those that admire it from outside of that divine power and love.
This is the thing….if we teach young women that their shoulders are “distracting” while they are already at such an awkward stage in life. It causes trauma, it shapes the way they think. It makes the problem, her shoulders….but in all actuality, her shoulders are a distraction and that is STILL NOT THE PROBLEM!!! Her shoulders! We are not talking about her ass hanging out of her pants, are her boobs flopping around….we are talking about shoulders!!!!!! We are talking about a girl not wearing leggings because she has a nice shape and or she doesn’t have a nice shape, and saying “That makes ME uncomfortable, so….YOU cannot do it” instead we SHOULD be saying “That makes ME uncomfortable, WHY?????” We must ALWAYS reflect back inward. Always!!! Because it is really never about them, it is always about you. But…that is a totally different blog! (Check that one out, it is titled "Here is the Question.....". It talks about inward reflection and how to use that to grow!)
What we do to young women by saying they are a distraction (not because of their behavior, that is a completely different thing and NOT what I am talking about) because of the natural shape of her body, causes trauma in our young women! Is causes self-doubt and loathing. Why would we want such a powerful and beautiful creature to feel bad about her naturally shaped body?!?!? (Again…I have a theory, but that is a different blog…and I have not written that one yet! haha) That is not progressive thinking. This is some 60’s bullshit! This is a girls shoulders, her legs (think about that….hide your legs…..they distract me…..WTF). Remember in the 60’s…..they didn’t want to see our knees?!?!? Come on people, let’s give the power back to our little girls and stop trying to make them feel shamed about what they were BORN to look like. I think if taught them that from a place of truth and love, they would own that power in the most beautiful way, instead we they are giving away parts of themselves to people who do not deserve them. We have sexualized them, instead of helping them see it as their divine feminine power! And because of that….grown ass, dirty fucking, old, pieces of shit men are taking advantage of that. They are exploiting our young women…because we have given the power of that “distraction” to someone else. It is not theirs….if we taught our young women to not be ashamed of their bodies but instead to FULLY love and respect their bodies….we would have a LOT less sex trafficking….women would understand more fully how to honor that part of their souls….instead they are being used and they are being drained. And it stems from this type of thinking…shame, and guilt OR overly sexualizing parts of a women that by design were made beautifully.
"She dressed herself in confidence every day, and refused to wear anyone else's insecurities" - a.j. lawless
This is my biggest problem with these dress code rules. It is in the same class or, just as stupid as saying, African Americans cannot wear their hair natural. WTF!!!??? That is the very hair they were born with….that is their culture and that is how they care for and love their hair….how dare you not allow them to wear it that way because it is a “distraction”. Maybe the problem is not their hair but your dumb ass! Maybe, JUST MAYBE, you are the problem. Maybe your way of thinking is old and wore the fuck out. The problem is always within you….and this leads me to the other reason these rules upset me so much, and this makes me more sad than angry. That way of thinking is WORN THE FUCK OUT!!!! Our children are progressive in their thinking. They are evolving and changing. Stop forcing your old, worn out way of thinking on them. I am raising two boys, and I can tell you, this is NOT the way they think!!!!!!!!!!!
They are NOT thinking like that. Give our children just a little more credit than that please! They are not adults, and as long as we try to educate them on things (because they are exposed to a lot of adult shit these days) they will not feel distracted by a girls shoulder! They MAY think that girls shoulders are beautiful, there is something about a girl/women’s shoulders that IS distracting. They are built that way. I would challenge any way of thinking that says differently. Women’s shoulder are beautiful by appearance and because of the fact that she carries a lot of the burdens of this world on those shoulders. Women these days are so into have strong and defined shoulders. Girls that are into dance and athletics have beautiful shaped and defined shoulders. So…yes, boys/girls MAY be distracted by them….or maybe we change that word and give them a little fucking credit and say they are instead something to be “admired” for. Maybe we give them credit and say they notice these things are beautiful and distracting and YET they can notice that, admire that, and MOVE ON!
"Silly girl" the old lady said "your different was your beautiful all along!" - Atticus
That is really all there is to it. Yes, women are distracting to your eye because they were designed to be. Yes, women are beautiful and sensual, they were designed that way. Women were designed to be attractive to the eye, and there is no shame in that, and also there is no reason to believe that boys cannot also respect that as well. Stop making our boys out to be that way! They are not. They are sensitive and kind. They are thoughtful and generous. They are loud and smelly (I just don’t understand why boys stink! haha ) Boys are funny, and they are silly….they are a bit rough around the edges and they do not even realize it. They say insensitive things because they truly didn’t think it would be insensitive (seriously). They are not really thinking about “liking” someone because of how they look except when we teach them that, THAT is what we should be “liking” about others. Being beautiful to the eyes is so easy to do these days. Between the filters, and the make-up that is out there, anyone can make their face beautiful. When we teach our boys to look and admire but understand there is so much more to be admired than that, we help them progress their thinking. We help them understand that admiring someone for their beauty is one thing, but thinking that is what makes them beautiful is a problem.
"Elegance is when the inside is as beautiful as the outside" - coco chanel
ALL women were designed to catch your eye. Their body, BY DESIGN (remember from the beginning, don’t make me yell anymore) is beautiful. So, if that is what you go around looking for, you will find it everywhere….beauty though, must be more than that, and I believe we are teaching our boys that. So, the beauty on the outside can be admired but there is so much more to admire. Then it teaches our boys to respect the beauty that is on the outside because then you have access to the beauty on the inside and THAT is where women truly shine! The inside! What they give to others, their strength in times of struggle. Their ability to hold it all together while their world falls apart. The way their body can GROW a human inside of it!! I mean!!!! Holy shit…..a baby, another life! What a beautiful honor! The women is a beautiful and powerful being, my boys will know that, they will appreciate that, and so although your daughter’s shoulders may be “distracting”, that will be just the tip of what my boys admire about a women.
Progressive thinking can be scary because it challenges everything we thought we “knew”. Now, please do not get me wrong. I am not of the thought process that “If men can walk around with no shirt, women should be able to as well”….that is stupid. Haha Your breast are a sensual part of your body. They were NOT designed to be that, I understand. They are designed to feed babies, and when a women is doing that….it is beautiful in so many ways. But the female breast is also sexual, we all know that. So, to deny that would not, in my opinion, not be honoring what your power is. Women can do that, honor their breast as both a thing that nourishes their babies AND something that turns people on. They can honor both parts by protecting that power in many ways. Personally, I do not want to be treated as a man is treated….I want to be respected and treated as a women deserves to be treated. Women are special, and they are powerful in many ways a man cannot be…..and so is true for a man and everything he can offer that is special to who he is by design.
"As for the girls and boys, let's raise them up to believe they can breathe fire!"
Each of us is designed to be special and beautiful and yet each one of us is connected to each other. When we walk this world with self-love, respect and acceptance for those things that set us apart….we do the same for others! When we teach our young people these things, when we teach them to honor everything they are, they can then honor others for everything they are. It is full circle. What you give yourself, you give others! How you respect and honor your own qualities, is how you will honor others. We must teach our children to not be ashamed of the very things they were born with that help them stand out. Women were born to stand out, to grab your attention. This does not make them any better than anyone else…..it does make them special. Once we can learn to teach that to our children….it will lead to healthier generations to come. Stop the shame and guilt. Stop sexualizing our young women. Teach them to own their sexuality in a way that empowers them, and in returns empowers our young men to honor their beauty as just one step in the beauty that is a women. When a women is strong in her power it can only benefit all of humanity. When men are strong in their power, it can only benefit all of humanity…..but we need to stop the old, worn out ways. Stop asking others to dull themselves because it makes you uncomfortable. And young people…..never dull yourself to make other comfortable, but also never give away your power to those that plan to abuse it. Shine bright in a way that honors your light….for then you keep power of that light and can shine brighter in times of darkness.
"You playing small does not serve the world. Who are you not to be great." - Nelson Mandela
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