"Triggered" has become such an awful word......but in all honesty, it is designed to help you heal. When you are triggered by something, it is an amazing opportunity to grow and heal.
I have been triggered a lot lately....it is always the same wound. The one that breaks open every time I ask someone to see me as I am, and look at me as someone they are proud of or inspired by. The same wound that breaks open every time I love someone more than they love me. It hurts, but I am learning....through understanding that, that is MY trigger.
I need to heal it, but triggers also present you with a choice. If the people around you KNOW your triggers and they are purposely using them to manipulate your feelings.....it becomes about boundaries. How much of your mental health are you going to sacrifice by keeping this person so close to you?
I get it, you love them.....but if they are purposely holding back what fills you up or using the things that trigger your demons to keep you feeling like the “bad guy”, then the reason the trigger is important at that point, is to maybe teach you that, you need to disconnect from that person.
When someone says or does something that triggers you, you have two steps to heal: Address it with the person. Tell them it hurt you and then you have put the choice into their hands. Now they know, and you can hope they will choose to try to remember how that made the person they love feel. Because they love you, they will try not to do that.
BUT.....the better action is to take back control....Heal that shit! Here is why this is the better option, because then you take the power back from hoping for anything! You heal it and then you set boundaries. If the SAME PERSON keeps triggering responses from you and you know you are doing the work to heal that, you must detach. You MUST!!!
It is heartbreaking though...because knowing this and doing it are two very different things. Having the tools to live your best life and USING the tools, are two totally different things.
Some people can not give you what you need, some will withhold what you need to manipulate.....know the difference!Once you know the difference, make better choices. Once you see the manipulation, you can better identify when it is happening and in that moment you get to choose whether to react or to walk away. By taking control of the choice, you get to make the best decision for yourself and ultimately you avoid the the trigger all together. In choosing not to react to the manipulation you are not pulled into the traumatic response that it causes....and in the end you walk away happier than had you engaged. The best part is you kept control of the situation the entire time.
If you do not have a choice in the matter and engaging is necessary, you must remember that each of us can only react and respond from our own level of self understanding. So, keep in mind what your truth is, stay in that and do not waste your time trying to convince the other person of your truth....they cannot/will not see it. Also, keep in mind that projection is a very real thing! Most people will project their feelings unto you, and most do not even realize they do it. They feel all this stuff and instead of using their OWN trigger to heal, they project it onto you and then say YOU need to fix it. This keeps them "blameless" and keeps you feeling like you are failing in some way. Just listen, acknowledge and then walk away.
Like, you are in a deep space mission and the only way out alive is to "Abort Mission" Just get out alive....no trying to "win" the fight, you just want to walk away not losing anymore of your lives. You just want to get out without giving away more of your joy. I like to keep saying in my head as a reminder "Disengage - Disengage!" Keep your breathing deep and cleansing, and for the love of God....DO NOT under any circumstances let them see you react!!!! DO NOT REACT!.....at all. Leave the emotion out of it because when someone that is trying to manipulate you sees your trigger, they see your weak spot, they will POUNCE! They will make it sting and they will strike out in an awful way. A person you once knew and respected, once dedicated your life to loving and supporting, will turn on you faster that an alien space invasion! They turn into a person you didn't even know was in there....they make you question everything you know to be truth. So, just disengage!
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