Last weekend was such an amazing day with my boys. Life sure hasn’t been “easy” these last six months but we finally made it feel natural and joyful. It was not perfect by any means but it was just what we needed. A small glimpse into what our future may look like.
The house is pretty tore up. The flooring has been removed from half the house, which means the furniture in those four rooms had to go somewhere. So, the other half of the house has all of the furniture in it…..the one room left untouched for the most part is my little piece of heaven. What was once just my craft room has become my craft room, my office, my bedroom, my yoga studio and my meditation room. It is the most beautiful place to be. You can feel the good energy here. I sage when I need to, and I always have lavender and lemongrass diffusing next to the bed. I have a wall that looks to the naked eye like a hot mess (pictured here) but it holds some of the most important people and moments for me. I start at that wall some mornings and these people encourage me……to be brave, to be strong and always stand tall and proud even within my mistakes. They remind me that I have overcome so much and this next step is no different. I love this wall! Can you find YOU, your there, I promise. Something that makes me remember what your energy feels like. Something that makes me see your beautiful face, and smile!!
But at this moment this is the only room of peace, because the rest of the house is under construction. I have chosen to stay here, while the boys and Leo stay at the hotel. I still have school and clinics, so it just makes more sense for my routine to stay here. But I miss the boys a lot. I see them for a bit each day, but we haven’t spent too many days apart over the span of their lives. I try not to show how hard it is, because I know it is hard for them too, but it breaks my heart a little to kiss them good bye. So, this weekend Austin had a birthday party to go to so I told Leo I would just keep the boys at the house and he could get a break….I know how it feels to never be able to shut off. When he would deploy and something would go wrong at the house (because something ALWAYS went wrong at the house when he deployed) there was never a moment where you could shut down completely. There was always something to worry about. We both have a lot on our plates, and helping each other is the only way we can make this work best.
"Would you like adventure now, or shall we have our tea first?" - Peter Pan
Let me remind you….we have no furniture, no working TV because everything is disconnected. We have no living room furniture, we cannot rent a movie and watch it on the couch. They don’t even have beds!! Lol So, when I offered Leo said exactly what I would have said….”Are you sure” lol I knew I had to be extra, because we are talking about 11 and 13 year old boys. They have the attention span of a flea! If you can even get them to stop, and look at you…you got like two seconds to get your thoughts out (and we all know with me I need more than two seconds….ha). One thing I KNEW was that I did not want to just sit in front of our phones!!! I am tired of it. I want to engage. I want to connect! I want to laugh until I cry. I want to giggle with the innocence of a child, and I want my children to feel that too. Watching those boys in the go cart last week was one of the best things ever!! Their laughter was contagious. I want that for us every day in our future.
The day started at 9am when I picked them up. We came home and got ready for a birthday skit for one of our favorite kiddos birthday. Since COVID showed up we have drove over to their house for each family members birthday and did a little birthday skit. Me and the boys….one boy always in a dino costume! Lol We sing, dance and throw confetti! It is so much fun, and the smiles are worth all the “Boys…please, we need to get these dance moves down!” or “Boys! That is crazy….we cannot pull that off! Do I look like Fred Astaire?” haha We have more fun than we should, but we have decided it will be our tradition and each member will always get their birthday dance….even if we have to follow them wherever they go! Then we grabbed some lunch and came back to the house to eat. Then we had nothing to do….lol At least until 1pm when Austin had his birthday party. So, I did what any good partier does…I whipped out the red solo cups! That’s right! No nerf competition is complete without them. We all picked our weapon of choice, there are way too many to choose from but each one shoots a certain way, so choose carefully. Every time we hit a cup off the table we drug into the living room, we got to trade up for a “better” gun. It was fun, and it killed some time. Pretty soon they are telling about some game where you ask the cup a question….if it lands in the other cups the answer is yes, if you miss it is no! I did pretty well, the cups said I will win one million dollars!
While Austin was at his party me and Zachary hung out. We went to the dollar store and spent like $20 on junk toys….but good ones like a Frisbee and a spin toy. We bought balloons, and more solo cups (including shot glass solo cups…where was this when I was drinking?!?!?) We went swimming and Zachary entertained me with his silly self. I swear he is unlike any other kid I know and I wouldn’t want him to be anything else! When he talks (about anything) he is so excited. He sees the world through a different looking glass. When he shares what he thinks, or acts goofy, it just fills me up in such a fun way. We picked up Austin and the three of us filled up our evening like we were having a sleepover!
They never once asked me to get on electronics, they never once said they were bored. We laughed, danced, and did some night swimming. We ordered pizza and tipped the driver a really big tip (more than the order cost). I love doing this!!!! The gratitude on people’s faces. You can see how much it means to them, this simple, small gesture….for some people an extra twenty is a trip to the grocery store for extra baby food. One person actually hugged me once. Of course with COVID we don’t do that anymore, sad, but she was so grateful. I think this is the moments that stand out the most with my boys…teachable moments, not within your words but within your actions. I said “If when you grow up, you find yourself in a financial position to help someone that is working hard to make money….do it! It makes a ripple in time that can change lives.” As discussed, they have very low attention spans (see flea comment above), so sometimes the best way to get their attention is through your actions in your daily life.
"There is no time to be board in a world as beautiful as this!"
I think what I loved most about the whole day together, which ended with two twin size mattresses on the floor of the one peaceful room in the house. With a few balloons and a snoring dog snuggled in there for good measure, is the fact that it reassured me that what I see as me and the boys future….it is possible! That “peaceful easy feeling”….it is possible. It is possible with balance. Learning to connect in simple and fun ways. Getting back to what it feels like to enjoy life….but understanding that the other stuff is coming too. When I dropped the boys back off at the hotel, The Lego Movie 2 was on, and I laughed because there is a song on there about “….everything is NOT awesome….but we can keep aiming for that each day”. It was so fitting for our current affairs. We will all get through this. My family will get through this. I will get through this. The boys will get through this. Leo will get through this. Most importantly, the world will get through this trying time, and all the while we will be making memories, and we will be having awesome moments with one another. We will be changing the world for the generations to come. We just have to stay in love, stay in adventure, stay in truth!
When we woke up in the morning, we played “Don’t let the balloon touch the ground” while still in our “beds”. We attended online church, and then we hung out in the pool before grabbing lunch and bringing it back to the hotel for lunch with daddy. As I said good bye and headed back home I was sad. I love those boys more than should even be possible. They bring me so much joy. They will never know how they changed my life. How they continue to make me a better person, because I want to be everything for them. I want them to be proud of me, and I want them to see me not just live, but thrive! I am blessed to watch them turn into the men they are. They never listen to me (see flea comment above) but they hear me! They may not pay attention when I want them to, but they are watching me…I want to make them proud. I think in my life, if I could pinpoint what I want most from people, it is to make them proud. I use to think this was a bad thing, but I think it keeps me on track. I think it keeps me wanting to be my best self. I love when I look at Austin…his little eyes light up. He has so much love in his heart for me, and the feeling is so mutual. Zachary will change the world….mark my words, this kid is going to do special stuff.
"Kids are like a mirror, what they see and hear they do. Be a good reflection for them." - K.Heath
Life is all about balance…..ya gotta take the good with the bad, and you have learn how to make both of them magical! We are going through a lot right now. Not just as a society but as a family. Our teeter-totter is all out of wack….but I truly believe it is within these moments we have the greatest opportunities to make ripples. In your own life and the lives of others. Life is not always smooth, in fact 2020 has really shown us that life is very fragile…..physically, emotionally and mentally. We have to lean into it and ride that bitch to the end. Take each day with just a spark of adventure. Soak up all the good stuff, and more good stuff will appear. Our future looks so bright. I am so excited.
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