I spent years of my marriage, my life really, trying to live up to some false sense of “worth.” I am not fully sure I understand where it started or who is to “blame” but I do know I never felt as if I was measuring up. Whether that was fed to me through voices throughout my life or my own voice that always seems to remind me where I lack, it was a real feeling of not being good enough. I kept trying to be a “better” version of myself, and while that is admirable…..when are we allowed to just be happy with who we are? When do we get to say I am enough right now, and I like who I am! I hit 41 and decided that was it, I was done trying to be a version of me that was based off of what everyone else thought was the best version of me! I decided to try every day, not to be better but to be authentic!
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, you are going to stand out….because in your most authentic truth, there is no one else like you. So, how in the world could you NOT stand out? Walking in the most authentic part of who you are is hard because you are going to draw attention. When you say F you to the “rules” of what you are “supposed to” do or not do. Who you are “supposed to” be or not be….that is where you’re authentically, you. You have always been there. You are not becoming something new, you are just allowing all the parts of you to be seen. You stop walking around shriveled up in a ball trying to disappear. When you live from that place you understand that they are going to stare, so you let them. They are going to talk about you, so you give them something cool to say. They are going to ridicule you, so you set out to prove them wrong. They are going to think you are crazy, so you tell them they are right….you are crazy, crazy in love the very core of what purpose feels like.
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, you are going to be scared…..because in your most authentic truth, you have to do scary things. You cannot become complacent in your life. Complacency is the killer of progress, and being authentic is about growth. It is about feeling comfortable in a place, feeling peace and warmth, and deciding you want to feel the fire instead. It is about knowing everything you are about to embark on is scary and convincing yourself instead that, it is exciting. Authenticity is not a stalemate place, it is a place that is ever changing and molding into your perfect moment. Those moments are fleeting and if you blink, you may miss some of them, but if you keep your eyes set on adventure and magic…I promise, your authentic self cannot help but show up, for a place of magic is a place everyone wants to be.
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, people are going to gravitate towards you….because in your most authentic truth, you will be a welcomed presence. Be careful who you let in, because not everyone can love an authentic person. Many will want to be around you and be in your light, but they will wish away parts of you that make you, you. They may wish you were not so “emotional.” Wishing that you didn’t cry so much, or get excited over “stupid” stuff. They will tell you your thoughts are childish, and unreasonable. When you express your wants, and your needs, they will call you selfish. You will make you feel silly and uneducated because you think so different. Walk away from these people. I do not care who they are…..they will crush your spirit each time they tell you, you are not enough. Each time they withhold their love until you act right or until you become more of what they want you to be. These people are only around because your energy feeds a part of their damaged soul. Do not give pieces of yourself away…..you will end up filled with holes.
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, it’s going to feel overwhelming…..because in your most authentic truth, you will be thrown into abundance. When life throws you into abundance, sometimes it can feel like you are losing everything. We humans think we know what is best and so we fight everything that is not that. You must be willing to flow. That is where the peace of living authentically comes in. When you allow the flow of what is being brought in, and OUT of your life. You do not own anything except the meat locker your soul resides in…everything else belongs to the universe/to God. You just have to let the abundance that is already yours flow. If you fight it, if you try to manipulate it, you will break the flow of energy that is connected to the very creator. That is powerful energy, and that is energy being created for you, in your most authentic place, it is peace because it is flow.
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, it’s going to feel painful….because in your most authentic truth, you will be asked to heal. We cannot live from a true place if we allow the things in our past, the ones that were toxic to our soul, to shape who we are. Those things are lessons, they are not who you are or who you become. They teach us things about ourselves. Those people that hurt us, or let us down, they do not need a place in your mind forever. They came to show you the ways you needed to be loved, by either loving you in all those ways, or not loving you in those ways….each one of those things are important to who we become. It helps you develop tools to choose from a more authentic place, each time you are loved by another….or not loved. You teach yourself how to love from a place that allows people to leave. You allow them to choose you, and if they decide they can’t, you release them with love. You allow yourself to choose those that choose you in return. You choose yourself, every time and in return you teach others how to love you. You learn how to love you, because you allow those wounds to heal, and there is nothing more authentic than a healed heart. It is vulnerable and filled with grace….but it has boundaries like a mother fucker.
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, it’s going to be lonely…because in your most authentic truth, you will be asked to find solace in solitude. But I promise there is a difference in being lonely, and being alone. I was married for almost twenty years and I never felt so lonely in my whole life. I felt unknown, unseen. I would sit next to the same man I had known for half my life and feel like he didn’t know anything about my soul. That is true loneliness. That is the worst kind of lonely. Sitting in a crowded room and feeling alone….but sitting alone with the comfort of your own voice? That is solitude and that is authentic! You must sit in solitude, you must remain still enough to hear your voice, and if that voice is saying awful things about you, you better learn to change the dialog. How can we ask others to love us as our true authentic self and not be able to give ourselves the same thing? How do we ask for a full and complete love from someone else when we cannot even love ourselves that way? Solitude is not lonely……living in a place where your full self cannot shine, living where you are unknown, that is lonely!
"...and I will choose you! Today, tomorrow, always!"
When you choose to live in your true authentic state, you are going to have to choose it over and over again. Each time you choose, you will have to choose you. Please do it!!! Choose to stand out! I have often walked through my life knowing I stood out, but wanting to disappear. I could not fit in, and I was scared to stand out…so I tried to disappear. Wanting to disappear is an awful way to feel. At least if you are walking authentically, and you don’t fit in, you still can be yourself. If you try to fit in by being something other than you, you are still not really fitting in, you are faking it….and who wants to walk around faking their life? When I first started this new way of living my first mantra was this “You are fearless! You are a badass……and you DO NOT shrink!” It is a mantra I continue to speak over my life to this day. No more shrinking. If I am going to do it, I am doing it big.
"Choose You! - Stand Out!"
Choose you even though it is scary and hard! I promise, it is worth every time you show up. There are big things to do, now stop standing in your own way, and go get them done. Stop letting your mind rule you! Start ruling your mind. Set it to growth mode and grow. Tell yourself how exciting it is to do scary things. I mean, big things are BIG!! Go big, and then go home and rest…wake up tomorrow and go big again!
"Even when you are scared. Choose you, every time!"
When people gravitate towards you, pull them in. Open up, be vulnerable….but be willing to let them pass through your life if that is what needs to happen. They also have big things to do, and maybe they need to move forward to do those. Allow people in, but set your boundaries firmly and if they cannot respect those, let them go.
"Choose you, choose to love!"
When the abundance is flowing in, and the things you loved are flowing away….it is going to feel like you cannot breathe, take a deep breath and charge forward into all that is waiting for you. It is all beautiful stuff, and it is all within your grasp. Success can look scary to someone who has never felt it before. New can be hard, loss feels permanent. Change is good, but it comes with the price of not being familiar. Do it anyways. New is fun, new is adventure, magic…..choose magic!
"Choose Magic - Choose You!"
When the old wounds break open, when you are asked to change the way you respond, by repeating the same lesson, choose differently. Remember how it felt the last time, and choose something that feels more authentic to a growth mindset. What choice is going to drive you forward? What choice is going to bring abundance and love into your soul? What fills the purpose of your soul? Choose that! Choose to let the feelings come. Those lessons are here to teach you, not to mold you. Let the old tapes be paused, create a new playlist and rock that shit out.
"Choose you…..choose to heal, every time!"
When you are surrounded by silence, listen closely to your heart. It will guild you to your authentic truth. Listen to your mind, unless your mind is trying to sabotage you, then change your mind and rule over the solitude of your life. If we cannot live with our own voice we will go insane. It is the only voice we hear, and if you listen closely….it will either drive you mad, or drive you into abundance and authenticity. Choose wellness! Choose growth! Choose peace! Be careful with your time, do not waste is being invisible.
"Choose to be seen, to be heard…..choose you!"
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